a quick trip to the dentist

you: -unconscious in the dentists chair-

dentist: alright, we've got a root canal today it looks like?

me: oh no! he decided he wanted to get all of his teeth removed so that he can get dentures. shouldn't you just do it all now? yes i know his teeth aren't that bad, but they actually bother him a lot. didn't he talk to you about it beforehand? this is something he's been wanting to do for awhile. i can't believe he forgot to mention it! thank god i'm here, i actually don't know how he'd survive without me most of the time.

dentist: -rips all your teeth out-

you: -wake up-
-move tongue around mouth-
-realize you have no teeth left-
-look at me like you're going to cry-

me: (whispers) if you say one single thing before we leave this office, you will be going home without your tongue as well.